When my husband and I go clothing shopping for our daughters it typically sends our conversations into a tailspin on identity, gender expression, and societal norms. Many times leaving us dizzy and conflicted with nothing in our shopping cart. As young parents we are still feeling it out. All that we know for sure is that our wish is to cultivate a free, affirming space for our children to experiment with the presentation of their identity. We want to move out of their way and remove our influence from their process.
The greatest gift that I hope to give my daughter is a depth and abundance of Emotional Intelligence. This is my most sacred ambition as a mother. Though I am clear on this intention, Im still piecing together HOW to nurture Emotional Intelligence in my child. In my exploration towards uncovering holistic approaches to deepen my daughter’s capacity for emotional understanding, I have found a simple, yet profound tool: Sportscasting
I was introduced to the Reggio method during my time as Early Education teacher at play-based private schools. I used aspects of the Reggio method, as well as Montessori, to influence my class regimen. While Reggio and Montessori are both play-based, child-centered, nurturing approaches- there are important differences.
The most radical thing we can do for our boys is to allow them to experience the full spectrum of their humanity- this includes their vulnerability, sensitivity, pain, and softness. Especially our boys of color. The world will be harder on them so let us provide a soft place to land. Let us be their sanctuary. Let us ensure, even if only once in their life, that our boys experience boundless love that allows them to be themselves fully. Telling our boys to “stop crying” and “toughen up” does not build resilience, it breeds resentment. It says “you are not good enough the way you are and I am trying to fix you”. Our boys will get enough of that in the world. Let us not perpetuate more of the same.
Praise vs. Validation
Growing up my mother would always say “follow your heart.” That simple message from a mother to her youngest daughter has always stuck with me because it taught me to go inward to access my own truth. It was meaningful that my mother trusted my judgment. As parents we ride the line between stepping back to keep the original essence of our children in tact, and stepping in to guide our children towards authentic self realization. This is the sacred work of the parent and it is a challenging balance to strike. Often the difficulty in maintaining this balance has more to do with the relationship we have with ourselves than our relationship with our children. Nothing embodies this more than a parent’s usage of praise vs. validation.
