The greatest gift that I hope to give my daughter is a depth and abundance of Emotional Intelligence. This is my most sacred ambition as a mother. Though I am clear on this intention, Im still piecing together HOW to nurture Emotional Intelligence in my child. In my exploration towards uncovering holistic approaches to deepen my daughter’s capacity for emotional understanding, I have found a simple, yet profound tool: Sportscasting
First, What Is Emotional Intelligence?
Emotional Intelligence, or EQ (Emotional Quotient), is the ability to understand, manage, and use your emotions in ways that promote empathy, resilience, stress management, effective communication, and healthy conflict resolution. Emotional Intelligence is necessary for building strong bonds with others and being successful in work or school environments. More profoundly though, Emotional Quotient is deeply important in the relationship that we have with ourselves. It allows us to connect with our most authentic selves, turn intention into action, and make informed decisions about what matters most to us. Emotional Intelligence allows us to connect with the humanity in others and to understand ourselves.
Emotional Intelligence is defined by four attributes:
Self-management – The ability to control impulsive feelings and behaviors, regulate your emotions in healthy ways, take initiative, follow through on commitments, and adapt to changing circumstances.
Self-awareness – The ability to recognize your own emotions and how they affect your thoughts and behavior. Being aware of your strengths and weaknesses, and have self-confidence.
Social awareness – The ability to have empathy. You understand the emotions, needs, and concerns of others, pick up on emotional cues, feel comfortable socially, and recognize the power dynamics in a group or organization.
Relationship management – The ability to develop and maintain healthy relationships, communicate clearly, inspire and influence others, work collaboratively in a team, and resolve conflict.
What Is Sportscasting and How Does It Nurture Emotional Intelligence In Children?
Sportscasting, or Broadcasting, is a tool used to support babies and toddlers as they struggle when developing new skills. Essentially it is a “just the facts” narration of the events we observe. When Sportscasting, caregivers verbalize the events taking place without any judgement, shame, blame, or fixing.
“You are trying to stack yours blocks but they keep falling over. I see that you’re feeling frustrated”
“You had the doll but now your sister has it. You weren’t done playing with that doll”
Sportscasting is our most minimal intervention tool, and yet, it has the potential to be the most empowering. This is because when we Sportscast we communicate several important messages to children:
I am present with you when things are challenging. You are not alone.
I see that you are struggling and I see why it is difficult. Your feelings are valid.
I have faith and trust in your ability to solve this problem. I don’t have any more answers than you do. You are capable.
When we take a step back and manage our impulse to fix things for our children, it affords them the space and opportunity for independence and creative thinking. When we do less, children learn more. It allows them the chance to persevere and to witness the full potential of their abilities. Moreover, when we take a step back to simply be present for our children through their challenges, it says “I’m here for you AND I feel confident that you are capable of handling this situation.” In turn, our belief in them empowers them to believe in themselves. This confidence cultivates resilience, self-reliance, and creative problem solving.
What To Keep In Mind When Sportscasting:
Don’t blame or shame. Remain neutral and open. Instead of “Your brother was mean to you and took your crayon,” you could say “You were using the crayon but now your brother has it. You weren’t ready to stop coloring.” Avoid assigning the roles of victim and aggressor.
Acknowledge feelings that are present. “I see that it made you frustrated when…” Also acknowledge the emotional responses of other children: “It looks like it makes Ella sad that you are sitting in her seat.” Avoid evaluating or judging these emotional responses (“It isn’t that bad”)
Ask questions. “What could we do to solve this problem?”
Sportscasting Builds Emotional Intelligence
Sportscasting sets the foundation for Emotional Quotient by gifting children with the grace to learn:
I can get though hard things.
The emotions that I feel are valid.
I can solve difficult problems.
With time, these skills become the building blocks for those four attributes of Emotional Intelligence — self-management, self-awareness, social awareness, and relationship management.
What If More Help Is Needed?
If you find that the problem persists and your child is increasingly becoming more frustrated by the challenge you could try a couple of different things:
Ask open ended questions “It looks like the puzzle piece isn’t fitting that way. What else could we try?”
Gently offer a few suggestions to choose from. “It looks like you both want to play with the ball. Maybe you could play a game together or we could go find another ball in the toy box. What do you think?”
When we Sportscast we confirm our acceptance of the situation as is. We allow whatever happens to happen and trust the innate ability of our children. We access our own inner peace in allowing our child’s emotional responses to be present without trying to change or fix the situation. We step back to empower our child to step forward. In doing so, we are laying the groundwork to heighten their Emotional Intelligence, and perhaps ours as well.